Diary of a Doctoress

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Fish Oil Woes

My husband is not the most careful person I know.

Every time we have a new vehicle, he will christen it with curry or coffee baptism after a few months in it. Or when he vomits, it can be most inconvenient to clean up. He would not know because he has been privileged to have someone cleaning up after him.

So recently he broke my nice bottle full of Omega 3. Fish oil that does not come very cheap.

He claimed that after a few months of it being there, he decided that the bottle was placed in a very precarious position on the kitchen shelf, so he broke the bottle and left shards of glass around the floor, the kitchen smelling fishy and feeling oily, and since the fish oil is a clear solution- now all I just have to do is to wipe and clean everything up just to get rid of the faint trace of smell.

HMMMM. He is quite considerate to place a pair of slippers just before entering the kitchen for me. Gotta give him that.

Sometimes I cannot tell which memory was worse- it could be the one when he came home looking green,vomiting into the bathroom sink and washing it out with water, causing it to clog and the bathroom smelling like vomit. Those unforgettable memories.

Ok back to the fish oil saga. He used a rag cloth to mop it up, and I tried to wash it out with 2 tubs of hot boiling water, then I decided to wash it in the washing machine. I thought it would be a waste of water so I put in our bedspread in as well.

:(

It feels like we are Dumb and Dumber characters, the bed sheets also came out smelling like fish oil, and the smell could not go away after 4 washes of boiling water and sunning it out!

My husband had to rub it in.

Yesterday when we took out the baked battered fish from the over and it had fish oil bubbling out from its sides, he said: "Oh! There is fish oil! Let us take our bedsheets and soak them in it!"

.....

MEN!

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Too Much Info, Too Much Hair

Warning: TMI blog post

My husband bought a electric razor online and has been using it to shave his chin quite often.

That day as I sat on the toilet bowl peeing, and he was shaving again, I mentioned to him my pubic hair is quite long and if I could have his old blade razor so that I could shave it off without waiting for my epilator to recharge.

He told me that the razor might cause rashes on my lady parts, and then being the efficient way that he is, he took his razor from his face to my -AHEM- camel-toe area and then started shaving. I squealed a little, he was so confident and too fast! And he was like, don't worry this razor does not hurt. We then discovered that while it was relatively painless, it was not very good at removing hair that is longer than the usual facial stubble. So sorry if you had to picture how long my pubic hair was, by the way.

Just as I was cleaning it off, to my horror, I noticed my husband taking that same electric razor back to his chin, without rinsing anything off. I wanted to say something along the lines of hygiene, but my husband usually thinks he is always right, and he eyeballed me with his signature indignant expression. The worst thing was.....(and I could not decide):

He had some stray bits of my long lady-part hair stuck to his chin.

He looked at me with an annoyed expression.

It was as if my whole camel toe is now his chin.

I think this could come down as one of the most entertaining experiences I had with my husband.

Monday, 18 August 2014

Monday Blues

I do not really get many places to talk at length. Because Facebook is too public, Instagram is only for pretty pictures, twitter is just too short, I think this blog is still my only little vent outlet... Well usually I have suds to vent to, but if the problem is him, then. Yeah. Sucks.

Today was a really random day where his laptop is hooked up so I decided to use his instead of mine for a bit, and randomly went to check his google history.

And I found out that he has been checking out all the bikini pictures of a certain classmate of his from his graduating class. That blond girl is very gorgeous, but a bit of an attention grabber- wearing shorts, heavy makeup, cleavage spilling out. But above that she is also pretty smart, having graduated with a veterinary degree. And also single. And very much available.

I kinda felt bad for Suds too. Of all days that he decided to use Facebook to check out chicks, I found out later in a few hours.

But dam, I felt so terrible afterwards. I often felt that suds does well with white girls, and I wondered if we married too fast and too young. I worried that he married me because he felt sorry for me. Truth be told, I feel that white girls are really much prettier than me. They all have natural curves, boobies and butt.

Moping around on a Monday was not doing me good, plus the toilet is overflowing, the property agents are being very mean and irresponsible, and I received an email about my late submission of health documents for my job application.

So I thought I should get out of the house, and I took the train and bus in the gloomy winter weather to the medical centre to try to get my BMI readings and confirmation that I do not have a eating disorder so that my dream job will take me.

There is something about public places with people staring blankly, that always makes me think, and then cause me to cry. I just think sad stuff and suddenly my nose will sting and I will feel overwhelmingly alone. Oh, how my dramatic hormonal emotions get the Star awards out of me at times. Yes so I was tearing up in a bulk-bill Medicare clinic with families of 3 kids in their school phy-ed shirts and couples with guys still in their tradie uniforms. I pretended to yawn and closed my eyes and think happy thoughts...

The doctor called me out and told me my request by the workplace was not medical and cannot be covered by Medicare so I left. The dietitian whom I was prepared to shell out aud$150 was not free until Friday. Wow, today really had to suck.

I forgot to add on that I had texted suds about my unpleasant discovery in the morning and he replied with a short "Sorry." I was overthinking what his sorry could have meant, when usually people do not apologize unless they sincerely felt that they did something wrong. Did he feel sorry he got caught, or did he feel sorry that he has feelings of lust for another girl...

Anyway he came home with a bouquet of 10 red roses and a box of milk chocolates. (I don't like expensive flowers and I like chocolates dark or orange or with honeycomb, not milk)

He looked really sorry so I felt really bad. He explained that: "guys sometimes check out other girls" by means of trying to explain himself. Right now it is 10.35pm and he is banished to sleep on the air mattress in the other room.

I do not really know what to make out of it, still crying while typing this.

Ok that is husband problem.

Next is body problem.

I don't know why people think skinny people like me do not have body issues, I do. I got teased when I was younger for having no boobs. Guys in high school made jokes about my flat chest, even boys whom I do not know teased me on the bus rides home. I felt horrible I had to wear awful fake padded bras at times to look just normal. Today at 26 I can still fit into the training elastic bralet thing I had when I was 12, and still could not fill it up. I ate as much as I liked, but did not have any fats to tone whatsoever I needed to tone. Not many seem to remember that womanly curves involves a lot of mountains to begin with, and valleys can be dug. But when there is a flat piece of land, the mountain soil just seems to go wherever they want to go.

Anyway that was a little sidetrack. I came across this health plaza on my way back home, just by curiosity. The place was huge but the one lone receptionist looked really busy and flustered with manning the desk and the phones that kept ringing. Finally I asked her about my Medicare entities and if I could see a dietitian. She asked me all concerned if I have anorexia, and I kinda like snorted: "no?!" and took off my coat to prove it. I still cannot believe the way she loudly gasped as took in how I looked without the coat, and how she actually said "ohmygod" in disbelief. Exact words, no lie. It was so ridiculous it actually seemed funny, like a American tv sitcom. I really did not expect that, and told her about my regular periods and how I can eat everything in the world and still be so skinny. Unfortunately that seemed to have the opposite effect on her? She nodded and just went on to tell me to see the specialist who will be in the next morning and told me to call if I felt nausea or stomach pains etc if anything happens before I can make it there tomorrow.

Oh great, now someone thinks I am bulimic/ anorexic. Sigh. Ok I shall stop talking and go get something to stuff myself before tomorrow.

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Rental home

Married life in rental homes has its little quirks. House-searching was slightly daunting as its first foray into a life lived together- I need public transport; he does not; he wants privacy, I am cool with neither; he wants to rent for as long as he could, I liked not having to pay rent.

We settled for a little 2 bedroom 1 toilet unit, 4 mins from the station. The previous tenant was a heavy smoker, and the cupboards puffs out cigarette smoke if u open and shut the doors quick enough. He probably also does not do his toilet business well, and destroyed the wall paint and left residue under the plastic toilet seat bit which is screwed onto the ceramic toilet bowl.

Sometimes it feels like a budget motel, you get what you pay, and it is a place we call our marital home.

Just today the toilet is working up. The water level stays dangerously high after flushing, sometimes the poop does not go into the u-bend as it usually does. Alarming right? Today we have been doing a I-pee-then-suds-pee turn so we don't flush so much, and we stood watching our pee, the solemnity and anxiety thick in the air.

"Suds, your pee is so yellow.....""You must be one dirty fellow." *runs away*

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

SUDS!

Suds: "Hey. What is the type of noodles you are cooking?"

Me: "Somen."

Suds: "Are you sure? Is that what you are supposed to be cooking?" (sounded really doubtful as he stares at the computer screen)

Me: "Yes. Why? Is there something wrong with the recipe?"

(Runs up to the computer)

Me: "What what what...OMG!!! Why does it say Semen!"

Suds is rolling around in laughter just as I realized that he played me.

Yuuuuuuppppp. Boys. Never grow up.

Monday, 21 July 2014

Eyebrow adventure

So today while cleaning up the house and whipping up food, I thought to try the arching eyebrow thing I have seen many girls do, and really fancied.

This is my left brow.

It is not super arched so it is more natural. Actually I intended for both sides to look the same but they did not so I shall pretend that I shaped it differently to see the results side by side.

This is the right eyebrow:

Maybe the inner parts of the shape as seen on right brow can be thinner.

Hahahahhahahhahahahhaha so NOT symmetrical.

Well my husband came home from work and did not notice until I told him, and he looked at them with suspicion. After I removed my make up he burst into laughter while brushing his teeth. He was, literally, foaming at his mouth, while looking at me and the poor brows. I felt so terrible you know.

As I explained to him, to attain that beautifully arched brows, I really got to trim off half of my brows. Can you imagine the brows doing a fork at the tip point?! Ew. I got to remove them hair otherwise I should not even bother trying.